During the month of March, I decided to try an experiment with my beliefs about abundance and prosperity. I have been in a few religious circles in my time and have absorbed different teachings on the subject. I have been told that God supplies all my needs. I have been told that He will punish me for not giving to the church enough by making me miserable in my finances through hardships such as my car breaking down, my appliances blowing up or an unexpected mishap will befall me. Then, I was told that God loved me no matter what. That His love was bigger than I could ever imagine. But, there was always the but….if I didn’t serve in the church or jump through this hoop or do that thing, well, then maybe He might just not put a checkmark in my box for the go-ahead for that need I have.
I decided to put all of that teaching aside. I made the choice to believe that God loves me like no one else can, and the good things of life can be obtained regardless of who I am. Don’t we see that all the time? Do you ever wonder how that greedy, selfish person came away with so much money and you wonder, why not me? I am good. I am not greedy. I made the determination that I was worthy of having extra money for no reason other than I am here, I am breathing, and I have needs. If other people can have what they want out of life, then why not me?
I discovered a technique about a year ago that helps a person deal with emotions. Sure, I have them, and so do you. I love the happy ones, but I don’t so much like the ones that make me feel sad, angry, frustrated or depressed about myself. Aren’t those moments in life great when you say to yourself, “Gee. I was having so much fun, I forgot to worry. I forgot the problem even existed for just a little while.” You see, for some of us worriers, we make it our full-time job. If we aren’t sleeping, we are thinking about how things are, how we don’t like our circumstances and all the bad things that COULD come our way if we don’t take care of this problem. I hate to admit it, but worry has been my choice of drug for quite some time. I didn’t come to earth with a worrisome thought, but I have picked up the habit from those around me who taught me. I am not here to beat up those individuals because someone taught them and they passed it on to me. So, another piece to setting myself free was to rid myself of the anxiety and fear that would rise up in me every time I thought about my money or took a peek with one eye closed at my bank account. This was the key place for me to start.
How can I believe that I am worthy to receive money and the good things in life when I am filled up with fear and concern? The technique I used is called “EFT” (Emotional Freedom Technique) I don’t fully remember how I stumbled on to this, but it has helped me begin to change my programming and thinking to what it should be. The first time I watched a YouTube video and followed the instructions, I laughed my way through it. I made sure I was in a room with the door tightly shut so that my family wouldn’t think I had gone crazy. Without going into too much detail, EFT involves light tapping with the fingertips on various points on the face, chest and head. It has proven to relieve not only emotional pain but physical pain for those of us who are brave enough to give it a try. I found out later that some people at a church I had been attending used tapping to help a family member quit smoking. I had to get over the idea that somehow I was doing something ‘evil’ or that God would not approve of. But, I was getting such good results, the guilt disappeared so I used it off and on.
It wasn’t until this past month that I began to take it seriously to begin clearing out the emotions that were not serving me. I decided to begin working on my fear of ‘not having enough.’ I have put off buying myself small things or doing little things just because I was so afraid I would run out of money. No matter how much money I had in my account, I felt this overwhelming panic that it would drain down to nothing, I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills and take care of my responsibilities. I made the decision to do the things I was afraid to do.
It wasn’t the typical ‘white knuckle’ experience either. You know the one I am talking about where you are afraid of snakes or spiders so you put your bare hand into a cage and touch them while you suffer. It wasn’t like that. I began acknowledging that I had fear. That’s a great place to start because a lot of us stuff down our true feelings. I began tapping daily and saying, “Even though I have this fear of not having enough, I know that God loves me. I know that He wants me to have enough because He has promised to meet all of My needs. He takes pleasure in the prosperity of His servants. His perfect love casts out all fear. ” I noticed that the panic feeling in my stomach area was slowly dimminishing.
I became more aware of where I was feeling the fear in my body and the instensity of it. As I began doing this experiement, I had recollections of situations where I didn’t know how I was going to pay a bill or meet an obligation. Much of this stemmed from a divorce from a few years ago where I suddenly became a single mother and had to navigate unfamiliar waters of mortgage payments and an assortment of bills. I told a counselor at the time that I felt like I had been shoved out of a plane without a parachute. I could see the ground as I was free falling, and I lived each day anticipating the crash.
While tapping one morning, a particular memory surfaced regarding the first Christmas after the divorce. I had received a gift basket from a local church. I sat in the living room feeling so ashamed that my life had taken this turn that I had to submit myself to receiving charity. I didn’t see it as a blessing at the time. I felt embarrassment in front of my two young daughters who were looking to me for answers. My marriage that was supposed to last my lifetime was over, and I was fully responsible for the management of the household going forward. While thinking of this from the past, I found myself crying as if I were back in that moment. I began to tap on the various points and said, “I release and let this go.” That was all I said as I cried. Amazingly, I can think of that moment from my past now, and I don’t feel any emotions. I got it all out of my system.
As the feelings of fear and anxiety began leaving, I found myself wanting to do the things I had told myself I couldn’t afford. I took two road trips, ate out more than usual, bought items that I had denied myself for years, went to a toy sale and bought gifts for a family who just found out that a baby is on the way, and I purchased a gift card so a friend and her husband could have a night out for dinner. I did all of this without the fear hanging over me like a dark shadow. I found myself joyful, relaxed and hopeful that life wasn’t about trying not to go under. I felt weights of worry lift off even more as I went about my life doing good not only for myself but for others around me.
Here is the really exciting part…I had money left over at the end of the month to put into my savings account. To wake up in the morning and not have worry hit me before my eyes are open is the best part of the entire experience. I cannot say that I am entirely free of the fretting, but I am putting into practice a new way of doing things. I encourage you to do the same.
A book I found helpful on EFT: The Tapping Solution by Nick Ortner
A Youtube channel: Brad Yates (The guy has everything you could ask for about what ails you emotionally. He offers free tapping sessions to help clear out those things that are weighing you down.)