I had finally escaped the pain that was zipping through my face by falling asleep. Once it started, it would sometimes last for three days before subsiding. When you do everything you can to stop it, and nothing seems to be working, you start to wonder if it will go back to normal.
Acupuncture and chiropractor visits had offset it, but stress was the culprit that had promoted it. Mentally, it was wearing, taunting me to forget everything I knew was true about healing. Even when it subsided, there was this low level fear that it would return without warning.
I had used a TENS unit to send electrical pulses to the area as a way to activate the central nervous system, which can create a temporary respite.
The one thing I learned not to do was increase the intensity quickly. With the pads adhered to the side of my face and down my neck, I had to turn the dial slowly. At the lowest level, nothing could be felt, so I had to move it up until it was tolerable.
There would be this slight pinching feeling that would begin and spread out into a wave. I always felt a tingling on the inside of my cheek.
I found out the hard way that if the dial were accidentally bumped up to the highest level, you would have an impromptu shock therapy session.
Like in a movie where someone is being tortured to cough up the truth, this self-inflicted move will have you become vocal so that every person around you knows that you would be indebted for life if there were a swear jar. The current that shoots into your body could light up a small town.
I felt like someone was watching me as I blinked my eyes. It seemed like my jaw, where it had started, felt better. Maybe I was on the mend, and it followed a pattern, it seemed. Once at this point, from past flare ups, I knew I was probably past the worst of it.
Just as I was about to say this, she appeared above me with something in her hand. Like she had been waiting for me to wake up. I wasn’t quite fully conscious.
“What are you…”
I felt a coldness on my temple as she went to work rolling on some liquid in a glass bottle. I don’t know how this had happened, but somewhere along the way, my daughter had become a holistic medicine person, researching, buying, and applying it to me. Just to see how it went.
I had flashbacks from my childhood when remedies would be forced upon me with no explanation. Ointments, sprays, or yucky tasting liquids, all slathered, spritzed, or presented on a spoon, were given without warning. It was futile to refuse.
“I read that peppermint oil is supposed to help this type of pain.”
She put it across my forehead and on my other temple. I had to close my eyes as the scent was strong like one gigantic after-dinner mint.
“It feels better since I slept,” as she continued to put more on.
I was starting to detect the coolness turning to warmth on my face. Similar to going near a source of heat when you are chilled. At first, it was soothing until the burning started.
I stopped her mid-application.
“Something isn’t okay,” I said.
It was going up from mild to scorching rapidly. When I felt drips of it reach both corners of my eyes, I knew that I was going to have to wash some of it off.
“How much of this are you supposed to put on?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I should do it differently next time. This is supposed to be good for this type of thing.”
At that moment, I recalled that sometimes less is better. I had to remove the pads and run blindly for a sink without opening my eyes. That was impressive. If I ever had to leave my home in an emergency, I had just proven to myself I could do it without having sight.
The nerve pain in my face was long forgotten as I tried to remember what I had learned in chemistry when hydrochloric acid had spilled and splashed at me. This felt worse.
When you are a part of an experiment not conducted by any scientific means, you run the risk of coming to your own rescue.
Hanging over the sink, I said in between handfuls of water that I was drowning myself in,
“What happened to me waking up in a blissful state? You pounced on me the minute that you saw I was awake!”
She came into the bathroom to check on me. As usual, when she is standing there looking at me, it makes me laugh. I don’t want to, but it’s something about how she looks so bewildered as to why her carefully laid plans have gone astray.
I grabbed a towel to dry off, but I had to plunge back in and continue to try and remove it.
“What is this supposed to do? How was this supposed to help? What did you find online that said this was a good idea?”
I said all this as I choked on all the water in the world I could get.
“It is supposed to relax the nerve.”
“I am not relaxed right now. None of my nerves are at peace right now.”
The next time I used it, I put it on my wrists, as far from my face as I could get it. You can do that, and it will still bring results without incinerating your skin.
Worse than an adverse reaction to a substance is to be forced to deal with a person that has become a nuisance, gotten under your skin, and possibly on your last nerve.
There was an Aunt Sophie vs. my Dad period during my childhood, which was tumultuous. When I was seven, I recall seeing him struggle with dealing with his mom. My grandma had gone through a series of strokes and health issues, so she was considered a vulnerable adult, but back then, it was not viewed as it is today. She lived with her sister, Sophie, who was not the best at taking care of herself, let alone another human being.
People were left to their own devices and the help we have today to deal with these types of situations was not there back then.
He would always get this impatient tone when he had to field a call from Sophie. I noticed that he held the handset far from his ear when she spoke like he was putting as much distance between her lips and his ear as possible.
I could visualize her in my mind. She always had on the brightest shade of red, usually smeared across her front teeth.
His only response strategically placed was,
She could talk his face off, and he was not one for being on the phone when he wanted to be outside doing a task he considered enjoyable, like building something out of wood. He didn’t want to listen to a woman talk at him. It was never a pleasant exchange.
There always was some upset that he was expected to deal with. I was too young to understand what the pressure exerted on him was, but I saw his blood pressure go up the minute he had to speak to her.
If I came in the kitchen when this was going on, my mom would whisper,
“It’s Sophie. You might want to leave.” She didn’t want me to be subjected to more of his language than I had to be. She knew that he would go off at some point when he had reached his limit.
Her calls were the worst timing when he would finally be free from work, and it was a Saturday where he had no schedule.
“Sophie, stop crying. I can’t understand what you are saying.”
This was usually the opening statement, and it was stated mechanically.
I often stood there looking up at him to see if he would notice me. He rarely did because something had to happen to bring him back once he went into this far-off state. His eyes would glaze over like he wanted to leave his body.
I could hear her shrill voice on the other end. When he took me with him to see her, I asked him later why she chewed gum every time I saw her.
“That’s not gum, Chris. That’s her nerves. She can’t sit still. She is crazy.” And this was the person in charge of his mother.
On one particular day, he was at his wit’s end. My mom had yelled out the front door that he was wanted on the phone.
“Who is it?”
“Sophie. I think something is wrong.”
It was always the same thing to guilt him into coming in.
I could tell the minute he stepped in the house that this wouldn’t go well. I heard a deep sigh as he said,
For a few brief seconds, it was silent. Then after months, and maybe years of this, the explosion happened. He had been stuffing down his frustration for so long he could not hold it back anymore.
The whole thing ended with him yelling super loud, and he smashed the phone back into the cradle. He stormed back outside. My mom looked at me. I looked at her. It was like someone had pushed his final button.
It was a warm spring day, so all the windows were open. From the garage, we heard him yelp. Like one of those Fred Flintstone shriek’s that seem fake, but this was not.
“What was that?” she asked me. I shrugged. We both looked out the kitchen window to see him coming back, holding onto his hand.
“John, what did you do to yourself?”
Always the nurse ready to get out her bandages and splints.
He held out his thumb, which was quickly becoming double its size.
“I was going to hammer in a nail, and Sophie made me so mad that I hit myself instead. I cannot stand that woman!”
An ice bag was applied to his injury, and the coldness in his heart toward his aunt didn’t improve, especially once he found out that she was stealing funds from my grandma.
He had to learn to tolerate her even though he looked like he was being scraped with sandpaper every time they had to be in the same room together.
He tried his absolute best to follow Proverbs 15:1:
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (NIV)
Sometimes that is all you can do. Did he roll his eyes when he would have to see her? Yes, every time. He made sure to look at me and do that. But, he kept his mouth shut and his temper under control. He found out it wasn’t worth getting all bent out of shape or almost breaking his thumb.
He had to learn to limit his time with her to keep his peace. Just like I had to learn how to use the oil sparingly to help my physical pain, we have to do that with people sometimes. And believe it or not, you might be the object of someone’s angst. We all can be.
I have a list of the eight most common emotions hanging on my refrigerator. Each one gives examples of what is felt, such as frustration or resentment associated with anger. But, with each one, another column tells what gift is earned as you work with each one.
So that friend or neighbor who drives you up the wall is building your inner strength, helping you put up boundaries, and allowing you to develop some assertiveness skills.
God can do that, even with the worst irritant.